Why I Hate Trail Runners

Since I’ve taken the last few months off from trail running, I’ve had plenty of opportunity to reflect on good memories of trail running.  Alternatively, here’s what I’ve learned that I hate about it.

  1. Trail runners don’t have any allies. Trail runners look down on both mountain bikers and road runners.  A minority might participate in mountain biking or road running; yet in a group setting, trail runners will transform into elitists.  I think they side best with hikers, only because hikers don’t bother nor threaten the trail runner.
  2. Like an American is doomed to side with either the Beatles or Elvis Presley, a trail runner can only respect Dean Karnazes or Scott Jurek. Slow trail runners naturally side with social inclusion in the sport (Karno).  Faster runners believe in a sort of sports as a form of one type of religion (Jurek).
  3. Trail runners like the idea of the outdoors, but they are ignorant to the physical reality or risk of it. Trail runners rarely carry the 10 essentials, have much back country skills, and tend to rely on others heavily (aid stations for hydration, nutrition, and safety like ham radio operators).
  4. Trail runners don’t understand the term “TRACK!!!” If you use this on a road run, you are much more likely to have a person instinctively and *quickly* move out of the way fast.  Whether you are  joking or serious is all in terms of use.  Trail runners are subject to the much more inefficient, “On your right/left,” and hence are much more lame.
  5. Salt tablets. Salt tablets are only used to help laborious efforts in sweat shop like conditions.
  6. All trail runners are old. There’s just not a lot of fresh blood in trail running.

I’m excited to get back on the trail and become lost in the delusions again (and hate roadies, again).


2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Adam said,

    Just when I’m excited that you’re out of the “elitist” trail runner group, you jump RIGHT back in (“hate roadies, again”). It looks like you and I will only be able to train together on neutral training ground…AKA, the track. Where elitists from both groups go to meet and pretend they actually know what they’re doing…

  2. 2

    Pete said,

    Trail runners don’t run on the track. Trail runners do hill repeats :-p

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